Stuart K. Hayashi
I often hear it said, “The silver lining to misfortune is that it makes you stronger, building character.” That statement reflects a fundamental misunderstanding. Tribulations can test you, and, as you confront them, you may discover a strength of resolve that you previously did not recognize as present, as it seemed not to be needed before. But the hardship is not the cause, and the strength would not have been absent had the hardship not occurred. The hardship could have been an impetus to awaken a vigor, but it was already there. To say it was the hardship that caused some character-building is to assume humans are passively molded by circumstances imposed from without. Many people experience hardship and it damages and destroys them. The strength only comes from within — made visible in the active choice to persevere.
This notion that hardship strengthens people seems to come from a post-hoc fallacy. First we see someone who, at first, does not seem very tough. Then this person experiences hardship, but comes out of it and we see a tenacity that was not previously visible. Then we say, “The hardship happened. Then we observe a tenacity not previously visible. Therefore, the hardship caused the tenacity.” But that’s a post-hoc fallacy.
It is true that discipline comes from being challenged. But for a child to develop discipline through seeking goals—and overcoming challenges to their goals—does not require the imposition of hardship upon him or her. When a child tries to use Lego to build a structure that will stand, that may be an entirely recreational activity, but it is not without discipline. The child will find that some designs for her structure are less practical than others, and developing the structure that suits her own specifications requires trial and error and enduring some failures.
The apologists for the notion that character comes from surviving grueling struggles are correct (1) that discipline comes from undertaking challenges and (2) that challenges are inevitable in hardship, but they overlook that when hardship is not imposed upon someone against her will, she will have more freedom and opportunity to pursue her own creative goals that already come with their own discipline-building challenges.
On Saturday, March 16, 2019, I added the latter two paragraphs about facing challenges.
