Stuart K. Hayashi
The drawing is of Stega, my prehistoric mutant fish that crawled onto land. I started this drawing on Dec. 11, 2020, and added the final Microsoft Paint touches on Jan. 21, 2021. I had intended for this posting to be one of triumph. I
first uploaded onto Instagram a drawing of this character on May 13, 2017. Starting there, I have uploaded what I consider to be nine major fancy drawings of this character, including this latest one. I was happy in that this drawing comes the closest so far in having the character look as I intend.
But this drawing has become a chronology of my grief and guilt.
A week after I started this — Dec. 18 — someone very important to me had injured her back. I helped her take care of someone else important to us, but I did so grudgingly. She saw this drawing in its early stage of shading (first coating). On Jan. 11, I felt proud that this drawing was almost finished. I took the selfie directly below to capture my feeling of triumph. Hours later on Jan. 12 I found her dead. I was even wearing the same grayish green shirt as in the picture.
On Jan. 16 (below), I decided to finish this drawing and upload it.
I don't want this drawing to be about my grief; I want it to fulfill its original purpose. I want it to be happy and cute and represent those feelings. It is as if my world has ended. But I want to promise you that I still want to find ways that I may be able to give some hope in this world.
This fish walking on land represents renewal and change in life. As I experienced all too directly, not all change in life is for the best. But I maintain that my future is still up to me. I want to persevere, just as that important mutant fish did millions of years ago.
