‘So Whadya Gonna Do About It?!’

Stuart K. Hayashi

Often when I had a deep emotional problem, I would try to discuss it. I regret that I commonly received an unhelpful response from older relatives. In a macho voice, they challenged, “So whadya gonna do about it?” The expectation was that I produce an answer right on the spot. Naturally, I couldn’t. Then the older relatives would say, “If there’s nothing you can do about it, then stop whining! Either do something about it already, or pipe down.” Those last two words were the real message. The implication was that I ought to shut up.

Of course, there is a gaping logical fallacy in that. My being unable to produce a solution immediately didn’t prove that there was no solution for me to find. Nor did it imply that I was wrong to make mention of the problem. This was something that my mother understood.

When I wanted to talk about something that was troubling me emotionally, my mother would listen. She would wish that we could find an immediate solution. But when we couldn’t — which was usually the case — she recognized that it wasn’t a waste for me to have raised the issue in the first place.

First, it was a relief even for someone to listen, even if the wider problem didn’t yet have a solution. Secondly, even if the conversation didn’t conclude with my having a found solution, it was not unproductive. My having discussed the matter often made it easier for me later to think up some strategies for addressing the matter.

As usual, my mother was right.

So what am I going to do about it? I’m going to try to talk about it with someone who is willing to listen. If that doesn’t result in answers by the end of that conversation, it can still lay a foundation for answers in the future.