Ever since my mother died on January 12 of this year, I have felt that so many of my aspirations and values have turned out to be pointless. I wondered if the writing and other projects I had been pursuing had been for naught. But I have found old holiday cards from Mom where the personalized notes she put inside pertain directly to the area where I have been insecure these past three months.
You may remember what I previously wrote about my parents and holiday cards. My parents — especially my father — put a lot of emphasis on members of our family purchasing greeting cards from the store and exchanging them on every holiday. On Valentine’s Day, you wouldn’t find it strange to receive such a card from your significant other. But I received such cards from my mother on February 14. In any instance where I had not gotten Mom a card for such an occasion, my father reproached that as some moral transgression, a form of negligence.
As I wrote before, I was not a fan of this custom. I said that it wasn’t as though the person giving the card was the one who wrote its contents or drew the picture. But it seems that in later years, my mother took that criticism to heart. In the later years, my mother often wrote very personalized notes inside the cards, notes pertaining directly to what had been concerning me in that time.
Around March 31, I found personalized notes from Mom that particularly address the area where I now feel so vulnerable — my worry that my writing projects might not have been worthwhile after all.
For Christmas of 2017, Mom wrote,
Dec. 2017With all our love,
Mom + DadYou’ve accomplished a lot of difficult things (that I consider difficult) and pulled through – like getting your books published and am proud of you for all you’ve stuck through. I only wish you the best in life and happiness!
At that time, Mom put,
With lots of love,Mom + DadYou’ve accomplished some very difficult things that no one else in our family could/would do + we’re proud of you for that + being the persistent person that you are.
